Rough Patches and Bean Bags
I say "thank god for this bean bag chair" a whole lot. An item in my apartment I know I can unload into, drop all of my weight, really let go. Sounds anti-climactic I'm sure, but those hour breaks I get in these now 15 hour days, save my life.
I've recently started rehearsing for the main-stage musical at school. There is still a lot I don't know about this production, but from what I do know, it's hard to not be drawn into the concept, music and rhythm of Bernstein's MASS. The environment is different for me from any other one I've rehearsed or produced something in. Everything is given to us with a smidgen of freedom to interpret for ourselves and that's something I didn't realize I was really grateful for. I'm not sure if other performer's feel this, but I know if I'm told to do what feels right with choreography or music, I find myself taking away a lot more from the material. Of course every experience is different, but I'm truly enjoying this one.
Although I'm loving what I'm doing (for the most part), I must say it is hard to keep the spirit up. When I'm working my hardest on 4 hours of sleep and I'm surrounded by some of the most talented people in the country, it's very easy to turn to self-loathing, lack of worth and anything else that could make you feel just sub-par. However this weekend reminded me why I'm working like I am. I auditioned for a theater that I had previously performed at so I walked into the audition room knowing everyone behind the table and feeling the most comfortable I have in a while. I've (finally) developed a confidence in my voice again and felt great about how I sang as well. I was asked to read for both leads and was complimented on my artistry and I felt like someone actually looked at me. At previous auditions, I've walked into the room and I already know whoever is behind the table just wants me to walk back out because I'm not what they're looking for, etc. But on Saturday, I felt like someone wanted to listen to me sing and speak and it made the hard work a tangible thing for me.
Spring Break is around the corner, just have to keep my head up until then!